jQuery Slider

You are here

Modesty, the forgotten virtue - Bruce Atkinson

Modesty, the forgotten virtue
A Christian psychologist's perspective

By Bruce Atkinson PhD
Special to Virtueonline
www.virtueonline.org
February 27, 2013

"And I want women to be modest in their appearance. They should wear decent and appropriate clothing and not draw attention to themselves by the way they fix their hair or by wearing gold or pearls or expensive clothes." (1 Timothy 2:9, NLT)

In the past, modesty was considered to be an important virtue. The term "modesty" has various dictionary meanings, the basic ones focusing on moderation and propriety in speech, dress, or behavior. In clothing and fashion it is about preventing exposure to the more private parts of the body. Synonyms for modesty include: reserve, decency, discretion, demureness, unobtrusiveness, inoffensiveness, propriety/ appropriateness, simplicity, unpretentiousness, mature taste, meekness, and humility. Antonyms include offensiveness to public moral values, vanity, indecency, showing off, ostentation, pretentiousness, inappropriateness, indiscretion, tastelessness, unseemliness, boldness, temerity, boastfulness, immaturity, and pride.

In other words, in its general sense, modesty is about humility and seeking to avoid offense - which is the opposite of egotistic attention-seeking. As we examine the more specific area of sexual modesty in dress, it is important to keep this more general definition in mind. In our foolish vanity, we human beings tend to focus on outward appearances. Not God. Scripture is clear: it's what's on the inside that matters.

"The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." (1 Samuel 16:7, NIV)

But the outside does tend to reveal some facts about what is within. As Jesus stated: "Ye shall know the tree by its fruit." (Matthew 7:16-20, 12:33)

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting: but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30, NIV)

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." (1 Peter 3:3-4, NIV)

Immodesty (that is, the lack of modesty) would include dressing in such a way as to visually stimulate others in order to provoke them to sexual lust. Usually this means emphasizing secondary sexual characteristics such as showing skin in increasingly private areas and tight clothing that leaves nothing to the imagination. While the terms modesty and immodesty do not include a clear idea of motivation (thus sexual provocativeness could be unintended, as with naive young children), such stimulation is generally the entire purpose for the minimal and skin-tight dress fashions we see today.

In biblical parlance, the lack of modesty produces temptation. A woman who intentionally dresses provocatively is a temptress; thus, immodesty is actually a sin. But how many women in the west (even committed Christian women) try to look sexy without it ever crossing their minds that they are committing sin by tempting men who are not their husband to lust? It is the libertine nature of our sex-worshipping culture to desensitize us to the sinful nature of sexual lust. Rather, it is accepted and even celebrated. We need to recall what Jesus taught about it (Matthew 5:27-28): "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

In essence, Jesus is saying that this lust is the beginning step of adultery. And if neither party is married, then such lust would be regarded as the beginning step of fornication. Lust is a close sister to covetousness (illicitly desiring what is not yours by right) - see the 10th Commandment (Exodus 20:17).

I recently attended a professional continuing education seminar on the topic of the psychology of men. They presented recent research that showed how men and women are genetically, neurologically and psychologically different in ways not directly caused by environment or culture. Quite interesting. For example, in the womb, both the testes and eyes of the male fetus develop out of the same tissue as the brain. It comes as no surprise to any man that there is a strong neurological connection between a man's visual cortex and what stimulates his sexual interest.

The pornography addiction epidemic has pretty much overwhelmed us in the past few decades. Over 95% of porn users are male. As a psychologist and Christian counselor, I have had many clients, including a number of male clergy, with compulsive pornography use, usually accompanied by masturbation. Twenty-five years ago, in a 100 male clients I would have perhaps five with a serious problem with porn or other sexual addiction, but now, because of the easy access to it on internet and due to a culture which virtually condones this behavior, nearly a third of my male clients struggle with it, many admitting having lost control. I also understand that pornography use is growing among women, but in my 30+ years in the mental health field, I have yet to have one woman come in to see me for treatment for this problem. Perhaps they go to women therapists?

The internet, movies, TV, and other media bombard us these days with sexually stimulating images and innuendos. Unfortunately, sex sells. With Christian men who want to get control over these lustful temptations, I use a number of psychospiritual educational materials, for example the book by Dr. Stephen Arterburn (et al) "Every Man's Battle."

I love that title because if you are a regular Christian guy in this culture, you are going to have to go to war to avoid being overtaken by sexual sin. Either a man surrenders to lust or he must fight it daily. The temptations to lust (and to act out sexually) are immensely powerful in a culture that has made an idol of sex. Even entire church denominations (like the Episcopal Church) have come to accept the authority of the Kinsey Reports over the authority of scripture and to value sexual acting out over obedience to God. Idolatry indeed.

A man cannot fight these powerful temptations successfully without spiritual and psychological armor and weapons. In addition to Ephesians 6 and other scriptures, I use cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) techniques to enable a man to control his thoughts. But the process would be significantly easier and the outcome would be much more successful if people in our society helped out by dressing modestly. Tragically, in western culture, this is not going to happen anytime soon.

Dr. Atkinson is a graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary with a doctorate in clinical psychology and an M.A. in theology. He is a licensed psychologist in clinical practice in Atlanta and also works as a clinical supervisor training Christian counselors for Richmont Graduate University. He is a founding member of Trinity Anglican Church in Douglasville, Georgia.

Subscribe
Get a bi-weekly summary of Anglican news from around the world.
comments powered by Disqus
Trinity School for Ministry
Go To Top