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CofE bans Conversion Therapy for Homosexuals; Episcopal PB says he will ban All Conversions

CofE bans Conversion Therapy for Homosexuals; Episcopal PB says he will ban All Conversions

A Satirical Essay

By David W. Virtue, DD
June 19, 2020

Taking his cue from the Church of England which plans to ban conversion therapy for homosexuals, Episcopal Presiding Bishop Michael Curry went one step further today and announced that he would henceforth ban all conversions.

"As a Church that believes in the full inclusion of all persons regardless of race, color, creed or gender, we absolutely do not see the point in converting people to Christ."

Curry said he expects Executive Council to approve the measure and he believes the next (virtual) General Convention would overwhelmingly approve the resolution in both houses.

In the Episcopal world of inclusion and diversity, talk of conversion is racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, and unacceptable to myself and the House of Bishops, he said.

"After all, we have approved of sodomy, homosexual marriage, a panoply of LGBTQ sexualities, abortion and about the only social construct we haven't approved of is euthanasia. Conversion will be the last barrier."

Anyone caught trying to convert sinners will be brought up on the cannons of the church and fired immediately. We may not even need a hearing or a trial, said Curry.

"God loves and accepts absolutely everybody no strings attached. We have made God in our own image and we think He is fine with that."

Asked if he thought unforgiven sinners would go to hell, Curry replied, "what hell? The Church abandoned any notion of hell decades ago, thanks to John Shelby Spong and we see no point in revisiting it."


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