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Jesus, the Twelve and General Synod

Jesus, the Twelve and General Synod

A modestly satirical essay

By David W. Virtue, DD
February 26, 2024

OUR LORD: Come to order please.

PETER: When can we get a definitive ruling on sodomy? We can hardly get left behind, Lord. The whole thing has been raging around Jerusalem, and the Pharisees and Sadducees are divided about how far we can go?

THE LORD: When did I ever authorize sodomy?

PETER: It's a new world order my Lord, and with the Romans pushing sodomy we can hardly get left behind. The culture moves on and so must we.

THE LORD: My kingdom is not of this world. Who said anything about compromise. I affirmed the Torah about male and female, I have not changed my mind.

JOHN: But Lord it is important that our homosexual brothers and sisters are not disenfranchised. They are hated by the Jews. And they think we hate them even though we don't.

LORD: If they, or you hate them; repent. If they are indulging in homosexual behavior they too must repent and stop their behavior.

NATHANIEL: But Lord that is hardly in keeping with our new world order of Diversity, Equality, and Inclusion.

LORD: If you think it is about DEI, let me tell you what it really is about. It's about DIE...to yourself, to the old man, the old Adam, and live as born-again believers preparing yourselves for a new kingdom where DEI is about death to the self.

PETER: What about our policy on immigration, Lord? The city is being overrun with Parthians, Medes, Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, as well as Cretans and Arabs.

THE LORD: They will be needed when the Holy Spirit comes upon you all.

SONS OF THUNDER. We could easily take them out Lord.

LORD. No. Put up your spears and swords. Violence begets violence.

ANDREW: Then what?

LORD: I told you that you would have to carry a cross, not chicken bones. You may have to die for what you believe.

PETER: You mean martyrdom?

LORD: Precisely.

PETER: Oh my gosh.

If you want to read 97 pages of bureaucratic Synod ramblings click here. questions-notice-paper-february-2024.pdf If you fall asleep reading it, don't blame me, just thank God you never had to take a melatonin.

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