However, on the deepest of personal levels, I have to confess that I really do not understand this decline. I do not know why a majority of our congregations cannot grow. Personally, I am baffled by the number of churches that I see failing to attract new people. The reason that I am so baffled is based on my experience as a leader over all these years.

You see the churches and ministries that I have served have all grown. This would include the one that I served as an assistant right out of seminary. This includes the three parishes that I served as a rector, even my first one which had a high level of conflict. This includes a Para-church ministry that I served for four years. It includes the Episcopal Diocese of Texas that I served for 10 years.

Let me make this clear. I am not saying that I was singularly the reason that these places grew. I would, of course, give the credit to God. I would also mention that each situation involved a team of leaders of which I was only one. My point is not that I did it, but that my experience has always been amidst growth. In other words, I have spent my entire ministry counter-cultural to the denomination.

Since I was a leader in these various places, what did I do or believe that helped this growth take place? I have given this a lot of thought lately as I labor to help turn around the Cathedral here in Dallas.

I thought that I would share in this last newsletter for 2005 some of my own attitudes and values that may help explain my counter-cultural existence in the Episcopal Church. You may find some of these helpful. I know you will find some of these observations evocative. Here goes!

1. As a person from an un-churched family who was found by and found the church, I have never been comfortable being a chaplain to satisfied Episcopalians.

2. Conversely, I have always believed that the lost are of greater value to God then those in the sheep fold. In other words, my God has always been the illogical God who would leave the 99 to find the one.

3. I have always believed that vibrant and engaging Anglican Worship has a place in our culture and will attract people.

a. I do not value cool, jaded and detached worship
b. I believe it is a sin to bore people
c. I believe inspiration is a good word
d. I believe there is a world of difference between "doing the liturgy" and "engaging in worship."

4. I believe that the greatest sin in Anglican preaching is the absence of the emotional presence of the preacher. Consequently, I believe passion is a virtue in a preacher and a leader. I share John Wesley's belief that if you "set yourself on fire in the pulpit, the whole world will come to see you burn!"

5. As a post-seminary convert to Christ, I know that people can have a PhD in Theology or scripture or Church History and "know not Christ."

6. As a leader, I have learned.

a. To have an abiding dissatisfaction with the status quo
b. That modeling is not a way we teach, it is the only way we teach
c. That you cannot lead from the middle of a crowd or by re-stating conventional wisdom
d. That our system rewards well-meaning pastors while marginalizing creative and innovative leaders
e. That creativity and innovation are found on the margins of institutions and not among those who most benefit from the present system
f. That leaders who read their own press reviews are dangerous and that narcissism is a powerful and additive drug
g. That leaders who have high expectations of people and demand sacrifice and commitment often get it from those they lead
h. That most congregations are controlled by the 5% most dysfunctional members in it
i. That holding an office of a leader does not mean that you are a leader
j. That adversity can make me angry and bitter or it can make me a better leader
k. That avoiding conflict usually makes it worse
l. That denial is not a river in Egypt, but if it is, many of our national leaders have build homes along its banks
m. That nothing changes until someone tells the truth
n. That people follow leaders who have vision and have abandoned self-interest

The Rev. Kevin Martin heads Vital Church Ministries in the Diocese of Dallas. He is based at Christ Church, Plano, Texas.

END