But "later" came as the Primates and the rest of the world then said, "This is all very entertaining on CNN, but would it trouble you too much to explain WHY you differ on homosexuality? Then we will know how to relate to you and your positions." And "later," as we tried to explain our views, we were horrified to discover that sex isn't the real or dividing issue at all.

The sexuality debate is but the symptom of a far greater problem: we already are divided and we don't know how to relate to ourselves. The Episcopal Church has evolved into two different denominations under one roof and we are in denial of that reality.

Now, I don't know about you, but for me schizophrenia really muddies the water of a good old fashioned conflict. Because we have been in denial and because we have championed diversity for so long, it is unclear what truly constitutes these two emerging Episcopal Churches. I like to know where I stand. For instance, one US presidential election I reviewed the party platforms, added the scorecard, and discovered that I was 65% Democrat, 30% Republican and 5% suspicious of both!! But there are no definitive platforms to check your personal scorecard against in the Episcopal Church.

To further confuse us, the protagonists of each side are using the same vocabulary while meaning and believing very opposite things. Now I used to be able to tell, for example, if someone believed in the incarnation and was evangelical by whether or not they said "Jesus" using three syllables. But now I have to sneak into the speaker's favorite seminary and surreptitiously count how many Jesus Seminar authors are in the New Testament section to know if we are talking about a divine Son of God or not. As one grizzled evangelical retorted, "He says "Jay-ee-sus" but he doesn't mean it!!"

So when our Presiding Bishop presented an unofficial rationale (entitled "To Set Our Hope on Christ") for the pro-Robinson decision to the international Anglican Consultative Council this summer, reading through it left many of us scratching our heads. Is the Bible authoritative or even relevant today, or not? Is morality just what I define it to be or does God have a say in all this? Is the guidance of "Holy Spirit" simply a label for a popular vote or is there truly an external being active in our Church councils? And when did "we" decide this was our Church position?

If we were all in agreement on such questions, then the sexuality question would be decided quickly one way or another. But the sexuality debate has revealed that we are as deeply divided on these and other key theological questions as two separate denominations could be. Oh, my God, how I long for the good old days when we were just talking about sex!!

Sadly, denial is not a healthy place to be and trying to define what we believe and make decisions based on the sexuality issue is a dead end.

Furthermore, to bow to the choruses of "Unity! Unity!" ultimately means that some people will be coerced to participate in and support what they really don't value or believe in. Then they simply will walk away from a Church that is becoming increasingly a jack-of-all-views and a master of none.

I have a friend who, when he is shopping for a used car, brings a small statue of Jesus with him. When he climbs into a car, the first thing he does is take the statue out his pocket and tests if it will stand between the dashboard and windshield. If it doesn't, he crosses the model off his list and moves on to another car. When I asked him why he did this, he said, "I don't go anywhere without my Jesus!" I think it is time to acknowledge that there are at least two very different cars in the Episcopal lot and it is high time that we stop saying "one model fits all."

It's time to ask what car you want to ride in and understand why. It's time to movepast denial, stop talking about sex, and begin to clarify what our two different groups believe and let them go their separate ways. Then each could witness God's love to the world from their strengths instead of battling each other in their weaknesses.

--The Rev. Kevin Bond Allen has served as a lay missioner in London's inner city, vicar of a Cambodian Episcopal Church, university pastor, USPG visitor to Bangladesh and is now the Rector of St. Paul's Episcopal Church in Bellingham, Washington. His graduate studies were at Seattle University (Roman Catholic), General Theological Seminary (New York), and Ridley Hall (Cambridge, UK).