The solemn faces stared back at me, not quite daring to believe. There were never questions after a talk in Germany in 1947. People stood up in silence, in silence collected their wraps, in silence left the room.

And that's when I saw him, working his way forward against the others. One moment I saw the overcoat and the brown hat; the next, a blue uniform and a visored cap with its skull and crossbones. It came back with a rush: the huge room with its harsh overhead lights; the pathetic pile of dresses and shoes in the center of the floor; the shame of walking naked past this man. I could see my sister's frail form ahead of me, ribs sharp beneath the parchment skin. Betsy, how thin you were. Betsy and I had been arrested for concealing Jews in our home during the Nazi occupation of Holland; this man had been a guard at Ravensbruck concentration camp where we were sent. Now he was in front of me, hand thrust out: „A fine message, Fräulein. How good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea.‟ 1 And I, who had spoken so glibly of forgiveness, fumbled in my pocketbook rather than take that hand. He would not remember me, of course-how could he remember one prisoner among those thousands of women?

But I remembered him and the leather crop swinging from his belt. I was face-to-face with one of my captors and my blood seemed to freeze. „You mentioned Ravensbruck in your talk,‟ he was saying,..I was a guard there.‟ No, he did not remember me. „But since that time,‟ he went on, ...I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fräulein,‟ again the hand came out-‟will you forgive me?‟ And I stood there-I whose sins had again and again to be forgiven-and could not forgive. Betsy had died in that place-could he erase her slow terrible death simply for the asking? It could not have been many seconds that he stood there-hand held out-but to me it seemed hours as I wrestled with the most difficult thing I had ever had to do.

For I had to do it-I knew that. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us. If you do not forgive men their trespasses, ‟Jesus says,...neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses."

I knew it not only as a commandment of God, but as a daily experience. Since the end of the war I had had a home in Holland for victims of Nazi brutality. Those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed their bitterness remained invalids. It was as simple and as horrible as that.

And still I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart. But forgiveness is not an emotion-I knew that too. Forgiveness is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. „... Help.‟ I prayed silently. „I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling.‟

And so woodenly, mechanically, I thrust my hand into the one stretched out to me. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. I forgive you, brother.‟ I cried. „With all my heart." For a long moment we grasped each other's hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I had never known God's love so intensely, as I did then. (Excerpted from "I'm Still Learning to Forgive" by Corrie ten Boom. Reprinted by permission from Guideposts Magazine. Copyright Copyright 1972 by Guideposts Associates, Inc., Carmel, New York 10512)

Some people reading this testimony might shrink back in awe, even disgust and say, ―I could never be so forgiving. Corrie would be the first to admit that extending forgiveness to this guard from Ravensbruck was not a human act. It was an act of God.

Forgiveness is not natural. It is supernatural. When someone offends and hurts us, our instincts of self-preservation move us to react by fight or flight. We fight back. We return fire with fire. Or, we flee. We distance ourselves from the offender emotionally and physically. There are circumstances when such self-preservation is necessary. We might defend ourselves by force. We might end the relationship for safety or sanity's sake. Yet, even if one ends the relationship, one still has to contend with forgiveness as the only way to be freed spiritually from the harm inflicted. Forgiveness is supernatural; it is possible when we 2 cooperate with the grace of God. Corrie ten Boom's testimony vividly demonstrates the Lord forgiveness of us is linked to our willingness to forgive others. This is the heart of the Gospel clearly communicated in the following passages from Matthew.

Jesus said, "Pray then like this: Our Father who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, On earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; And forgive us our debts, As we also have forgiven our debtors; And lead us not into temptation, But deliver us from evil. For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:9-15)

Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. "Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the reckoning, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents; and as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, 'Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.‟ And out of pity for him the lord of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But that same servant, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat he said, 'Pay what you owe.' So his fellow servant fell down and besought him, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you.' He refused and went and put him in prison till he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, 'You wicked servant. I forgave you all that debt because you besought me; and should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?' And in anger his lord delivered him to the jailers, till he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." Matthew 15:21-35

There are at least three points to take from these passages. One, forgiveness is a moral absolute. We forgive others because the Lord commands it. Jesus implies that forgiveness is an ethic in the Kingdom of God, in which we love one another as the Lord loves us. Second, we forgive others because God forgives us. The Lord's Prayer inextricably links the two. As active believers we are ―in the position‖ of forgiveness with God. We live under his mercy. So, we offer this same mercy and forgiveness to others. Third, God supplies the grace required to forgive others. Over time with the practice of forgiveness, our perception shifts from the natural (fight or flight) reaction to the supernatural attitude of forgiveness. Pain and anger make us self-centered.

When a person stubs his toe, for a few moments he is only aware of the pain to the exclusion of everything else in the universe. Likewise, emotional or spiritual pain caused by an offense narrows our perception. We are seized by the impulse to fight or take flight. Grace shifts our perception to see the source of the problem is not simply the offense but the offender's behavior and his or her heart. The occasion for the offense might be a miscommunication, unmet expectation or a difference in personality. God gives us the grace to keep the pain on the periphery of our awareness such it does not become the log in our eye. Then, we are free to work at forgiving the person and setting both them and us free. Parents know this when their children throw a temper tantrum and hurl cruel words. They remain detached and even inwardly amused at the child's florid display. They try not to take the words personally but instead see them as expressions of frustration, anger or powerlessness. The parent concentrates on loving the child with gentle and firm truth. Forgiveness humbles our pride. It forces us to surrender our rightness regardless of how right we might actually be and how wrong our offender is. No wonder then, Jesus replies to Peter's attempt to limit forgiveness, ―I do not say to you seven times; but seventy times seven.‖ It may take us seventy times seven to forgive the person and restore the order of the relationship especially if the same offense has been 3 committed so many times. It might take that, or more, for God to disabuse us of the need to fight, to take flight or be right. Our heart needs to be humbled such we cooperate with grace and pass it on to the one who hurt us. Use the following steps to assist you in practicing forgiveness.

1. Pray for guidance.
2. Be willing to ask for forgiveness.
3. Discern if you ought to forgive the person face to face. 4. Forgive the person.

1. Pray for Guidance.

Many people have found the Serenity Prayer a helpful start: ―Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.‖ This prayer reminds us that we cannot change the offense. It has happened and is now part of our life and past. By God's grace, we can change our attitude toward the offense and our attitude toward the person who did us harm.

Dare to pray for the desire to forgive. Some Christians find it helpful to imagine standing with the offending person at the foot of the cross of Jesus, along with Mary and John. If the pain of the offense is raw and it seems impossible to even desire to pray for the desire to forgive, seek the counsel of a pastor or friend.

2. Be willing to ask for forgiveness.

Jesus asks us, ―Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye but do not notice the log in your own eye? (Matthew 7:3) We ought to be willing to admit any culpability in the injury. ―It takes two to tango, the saying goes. The offense you suffered, intentional or unintentional, might be a reaction to something we did to this person. The Lord might want us to ask forgiveness first. Perhaps this was God's plan all along.

3. Discern if you ought to forgive the other person face to face

This step requires discernment. Our present culture is influenced by a psychotherapeutic worldview and ―tell all‖ TV and radio talk. Some people assume they must confront the person they need to forgive. This is not a good assumption. In some situations confrontation might lead to more injury. You might be motivated by anger rather than by mercy. The desire to tell the truth may often cloak an impulse ―to set the person straight‖ or even punish him. Consider the following: will approaching the person build up the relationship? Are you willing to have the truth spoken to back you? Are you willing to admit your wrongs?

Remember that the point of forgiveness is to erase the debt of blame and guilt the other owes you. It is not to change the person's behavior. This is why God gives us the grace of forgiveness. It sets us free from expecting any payback on the debt. If you are unsure whether to approach the offender, seek the counsel of a person who can be impartial and help you discern. Sometimes the person we are forgiving is not available. They may have moved away, died, or the estrangement between you might make contact impossible. In these cases, work out the forgiveness through prayer with God and conversation with a pastor, counselor, or friend. Many find it helpful to write out the situation in a journal or a letter that is never mailed.

4 5. Forgive the person.

Remember that when we forgive someone, we release him or her from the debt of blame and guilt they owe us because of the harmful act. We erase it. This is final. We promise not to collect on the debt again. It is gone as if it never existed. We cannot return and expect payment at a future date. Have you ever had someone tell you, ―This is just like the time you... Such comments can indicate that the original offense was not totally forgiven. The person is recalling the debt with interest.

The forgiveness God expects from us, made possible by the death of Jesus on the cross, is complete. When we forgive a person, we make a choice. We choose to surrender the right to expect from the offending person an explanation or apology, an act of reparation or change of heart. These may come some day, and we may even hope and pray for them. But, they are a separate issue. We do not set conditions on our forgiveness. We simply forgive. We erase the debt as God erases our debt by the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.

It is essential you declare your forgiveness explicitly. It is simple. You say, ―I forgive you. We are as good as our word confirmed by our actions. We trust people because we observe consistent behavior, word and action, over time. Sometimes in the process of forgiving, you may lose the will or the desire to forgive. You realize forgiveness requires a surrender of pain, anger, resentment, pride, and the impulse to fight or to take flight. It is not easy to cooperate with God's grace. Declaring aloud that you forgive the person, regardless of what you feel, seals the deal. It is like a handshake. It clearly states that the debt is erased. Expressions like, ―It's okay...You didn't mean it...Don't worry about it‖ may seem helpful. They cannot replace the words, ―I forgive you.

Forgiveness like faith involves our will more than our feelings. It can have an emotional aspect but it is not an emotion. If we wait until we feel like forgiving someone, it might never happen. It is precisely the emotions of anger, resentment, fear, and hatred that thwart forgiveness-and make forgiveness necessary for our well-being. Emotions are relevant. God gave them to us as a certain way to experience and understand ourselves, others and our surroundings. Emotions color the living of our days.

When you tell the person ―I forgive you and mean it, you are making a decision. You are accessing the power of God. You are extending the forgiving power of the atoning death of Jesus. You are offering the mercy of God to this person. In the words of Paul, you are doing the ministry of reconciliation (II Corinthians 5:16–21). Experience shows that regardless of what you feel when you offer forgiveness, in time, your heart will soften toward the offending person. It is your act of forgiveness that triggers this process. If you wait to feel the right sentiment to forgive, you might wait for a long, long time and never forgive at all. The mature Christian chooses the good, acts on it, and trust the passions follow. Forgiveness is an act of love. Love is a decision.

The most formidable obstacle to forgiveness is pride. Call it what you may-hubris, willfulness, self-centeredness-it fuels the impulse to fight, to take flight, to be right. Pride has to be surrendered. This is why forgiveness is a costly sacrifice. This is why it is, indeed, possible only because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, which destroyed the power of the world, the flesh, and the devil, giving us victory to live as God designed and desires. When we forgive, we obey God. We affirm that He is ―more right‖ than we are. After all, He is God. 5 Many years ago I participated in a four-day conference hosted by Christian Healing Ministries, founded by Francis and Judith MacNutt. One of the topics was the link between healing and forgiveness. Judith MacNutt began her teaching with a stunning observation; ―When Jesus was dying on the cross, he prayed, Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. With these words, forgiveness was released into the universe. It's been ours for the giving and receiving ever since.‖

This is Gospel truth articulated in a creative way. God's forgiveness is both cosmic and personal. It is as if God put a new element into his creation, a heavenly addition to the Periodic Table, supernatural oxygen for our souls. By the merits of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus, forgiveness is freely given and received. The Lord makes it available to all people.

Almighty God, you alone can bring into order the unruly wills and affections of sinners: Grant your people grace to love what you command and desire what you promise; that, among the swift and varied changes of the world, our hearts may surely there be fixed where true joys are to be found; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

----Father K. Brewster Hastings is the rector of Saint Anne's Church in Abington, PA. He can be reached at kbhastings@verizon.net