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Sexual Revolution Has Worked Out Well, Episcopal Church Primate Reports

Sexual Revolution Has Worked Out Well, Episcopal Church Primate Reports

A Satirical Essay

By David W. Virtue, DD
December 12, 2017

Reflecting on the Sexual revolution begun in the U.S. in the 60’s, Episcopal Presiding Bishop Michael Curry told a hastily called press conference that it has worked well for his church citing the magnificent efforts of bi-sexual bishops like Paul Moore and Gene Robinson who managed to pull the Church into the 20th and 21st centuries and out of the 19th century and quite possibly the first.

“They were pioneers and prophets, bringing their sexual talents to bare at a time when so many were doing it in the closet. We are now a church full of perverts and sex weirdos that we have literally caught up with the culture and may have even surpassed it. Changing our canons on marriage was a game changer. God has blessed us with an ever expanding and financially growing Church Pension Fund to take us to the next levels of transgenderism and beyond to those people who believe that they must have BOTH a penis and a vagina. I am in awe of our future.”

“It’s historic,” opined the Presiding Bishop. “Old fashioned adultery and fornication, bullying, lying and stealing was not enough, we needed the full range of LGBTQXXXxxx1212 sexualities to sweep the Church and we have been successful. Praise the Lord and let us thank Rumi the Sufi, a favorite guru of Frank Griswold. Along with the last three presiding bishops’ we have managed to throw off the shackles of biblical morality.”

In a panegyric of praise to TEC, Curry said, “We have made unbridled passion the cornerstone of the Church and with it pansexual liberation. It is a glorious time to be alive and an Episcopalian. My real hope in 2018, is to export our sexuality practices to the Global South and those sad, backward fundamentalists in GAFCON.”

Questioned about the ongoing decline of the Episcopal Church, Curry said, God is doing a new thing but he wasn’t quite sure what it is, but we would all find out soon enough. “I am putting my money on anti-racism and white privilege in a church that is 98% white.”

With his eyes cast towards the blinding sun, Curry said he wanted all Episcopalians to have a blessed Christmas, a wonderful New Year, and go out, in the name of the Jesus Movement and make disciples of the LGBTQ community and if you can’t save them, join them and tell them they are part of “beloved community”, even if it means moving the goalposts so no one ever actually gets saved.


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