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The Updating of God: God 2.0 is on the way, says TEC Presiding Bishop

The Updating of God: God 2.0 is on the way, says TEC Presiding Bishop

A Satirical Essay

By David W. Virtue, DD
June 16, 2021

God requires updating, sniffed Michael Curry, The Episcopal Church's most senior ecclesiastical official.

"We are, after all in the 21st century not the first and we know St. Paul definitely needs his head rewiring and his views rewriting over homosexuality. We think that Resolution B012 (homosexual marriage) was a start in the right direction," the Black Presiding Bishop opined from the Church's headquarters in New York City.

"If only the church had recognized LGBTQ folk in the first century, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today. We wouldn't have all this nonsense about the need for inclusion and diversity. God definitely needs a refit," said Curry as he waved a gay flag out the window of 815 2nd Avenue.

"I can't imagine Jesus not having lunch with LGBTQ members, feeling their pain of exclusion and telling them to go and sin some more. What sort of a God of inclusion would She be?"

Questioned on why his Church was shrinking despite all the calls for more inclusion and diversity, Curry replied that God was clearly doing a new thing, even though he isn't quite sure what it is, but it would be led by Gene Robinson, a bishop after God's own heart. "We suspect that John Shelby Spong's books would be the textus receptus of the new Order, and queer marriage completely normalized. I see a transgendered presiding Bishop in the church's future. God is definitely on the road to 2.0," said Curry.


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