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True repentance - gracious pain
(This article first appeared in the March 11, 2011 edition of the AAC's Weekly Email Update.)
by The Rev. Canon Phil Ashey, J.D.
http://www.americananglican.org/true-repentance-gracious-pain
March 15, 2011
Dear Friends in Christ,
Often what appears as repentance is really an attempt to minimize the pain we feel as we face the consequences of our own actions.
Take for example the story in Numbers 14 about the people of Israel, their rebellion against Moses' leadership and their refusal to enter the Promised Land. You know the story - disregarding the exhortations of Joshua and Caleb to have faith in God and take possession of the land (Numbers 14:6-9), the people caved in to the fears of the other 10 spies who said that the land and its people would devour and destroy Israel (Num. 13:31-14:3). They considered stoning Moses, Aaron, Joshua and Caleb, choosing a new leader and going back to Egypt (Numbers 14:4, 10). But for the gracious intercession of Moses on their behalf, God would have struck the people of Israel with a plague and destroyed them. Instead, in response to Moses' plea, God stayed his hand of execution and forgave them (Numbers 14:20). Nevertheless, he required the people to face the consequences of their rebellion, faithlessness, and intent to murder Moses: God required this unfaithful generation to wander in the desert and not to enter the Promised Land for 40 years - "one year for each of the forty days you explored the land." (Numbers 14: 21-35).
The ten spies who spread the bad report about the land were struck down by a plague - only Joshua and Caleb were spared because of their faithfulness and witness. When the people heard this they appeared to repent. They mourned bitterly. They felt remorse for their actions and attitudes. They even confessed their sin.
But even in the midst of such heartfelt emotion and confession, they were already to repeat their rebellion in what seemed to them to be obedience to God. Moses warned them not to go up into the Promised Land "because the LORD is not with you." (Numbers 14:41-43) Barely pausing between their tears and their confession of sin, they presumed to go up to the place God warned them was no longer theirs to take - again disregarding Moses' leadership and God's warning. They went without Moses or the ark of the covenant (symbolic of God's blessing), and without God's blessing they were, predictably, defeated and driven back. (Numbers 40b-45).
How often do we appear to repent, while harboring the same root of rebellion in our hearts? How often do we behave like the Israelites - like children caught in the act - with tears and even an admission of wrongdoing, all the while ready to go our own way again to commit the same fundamental rebellion under a different disguise?
I believe there is a lesson here for all of us. Anguished hurt, acknowledgment of pain inflicted on others, broken promises, and the same old rebellion disguised in different words and actions continues to characterize so very many leaders in the Anglican Communion, in North America particularly and at the highest levels of the Communion. Whether it is open communion for the unbaptized against the teachings and traditions of the Church, or the pernicious spirit of seeking to compromise faithful Anglicans in the Global South on issues of human sexuality through financial aid, seminary exchanges and continuing Indaba (in places like Ghana), false repentance is the story of the Anglican Communion. It comes from the refusal to embrace the consequences of our actions, especially the pain, and God's judgment. It is an impulsive drive to seize a blessing that God has not ordained. It is a willful refusal to stop, look and listen to God for HIS direction on what we should do next.
I wonder what might have happened if the people had embraced the genuine change of heart, attitude and action that are the essence of true biblical repentance. What if they had allowed their hearts to be broken by the pain of God's judgment? What if they had spent a long time in fasting and confession, allowing God's judgment to expose their fundamental attitude of willfulness that is the essence of rebellion and sin? Genuine repentance concerns both the right action and the right timing - God's timing. What if, instead of trying to take the Promised Land, they had stopped, looked and listened for God's direction as to their next step? God had already extended incredible love and forgiveness to them (Numbers 14:20). Would he have responded to their changed hearts, attitudes and actions by allowing them in to the Promised Land at that time, or even in stages?
We'll never know, because they never took the time to do what genuine repentance requires. But as Anglicans in North America, please, let's not make the same mistake. It's easy to point the finger at others and demand their repentance. But what about us? How have we grieved the Holy Spirit by clinging to real estate and buildings more than to his Word and the Great Commission? How have we failed to commend the faith that is in us by failing to allow our hearts to be broken for lost people - failing to reach them with the transforming love of Jesus Christ, and failing to disciple generations of believers? Where have we refused to stop, look and listen to God for the next steps he wants us to take as we form a new Anglican Church in North America? In our presumption, where have we presumed to take action without respect to God's timing and blessing? What root of rebellion are we hiding from God's refining fire?
May this Lent be a time of embracing the faithful, gracious pain and the blessing that comes with true repentance.
Your servant in Christ,
Phil+
---The Rev. Canon Phil Ashey is the Chief Operating and Development Officer, American Anglican Council
