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Michael Curry offers to broker peace between Justin Welby and Nicholas Okoh

Michael Curry offers to broker peace between Justin Welby and Nicholas Okoh

A Satirical Essay

By David W. Virtue, DD
June 15, 2018

Calling up the idea of "good disagreement" and "mutual flourishing", the Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church, Michael Curry, today announced that he was prepared to sit down with the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, and the Primate of all Nigeria, Nicholas Okoh, and work out a deal to keep everybody at the Anglican table.

"I think the best venue would be Singapore, which is wealthy and its leader is Lee Kuan Yew, whose name stands for 'light and brightness', with an alternate meaning 'bringing great glory to one's ancestors'. Our Anglican ancestors are rolling in their graves at what is going on in the Communion today. I think I can bring "light and brightness" and a new start for the communion that is being torn asunder by people who fail to be as inclusive as I am."

Asked what that would look like, Curry said, "As you know, I am the most recognized Anglican leader in the world today...some 2 billion people watched me talk about "lurv" to a royal couple and I have the needed gravitas to make this work. I'm black, which gives me creds with the Africans and I speak American English good enough to be understood by white folk even when I jibber jabber. Heavens, they even understood me in England recently. Truth be told I also have a bigger name recognition than Justin.

Asked about his strategy Curry said; "I think it is time for the GAFCON 'ginger group' to sit down with Beloved Leader and iron out their differences. The Church of England is our spiritual and ancestral home and the mostly African leaders need to get with the program. They also said they would never split from Canterbury. My mission is to 'thaw out God's frozen people.' And the Africans are definitely frozen."

Asked if he might be asking the GAFCON leaders do all the compromising, Curry responded; "Look, we have the money and you need to follow the money, that should tell you everything. Furthermore, when they understand the 'power of love' as I told Harry and Meghan, then they will see things my way.

"Furthermore, Justin told me that he will send Josiah Idowu-Fearon, a former Nigerian Anglican bishop and Secretary General of the Anglican Consultative Council, to seal the deal. And you know how much they love him in Nigeria."


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