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Fly the White Flag

Fly the White Flag
Renew to distribute free flags to all members

A Satirical Essay

February 24, 2020

In a striking act of solidarity and Christian co-operation Renew announced this morning that the Bishop of Maidstone has generously donated enough white flags for all member churches.

"Through the generousity of a number of chaps I know who have access to various trusts, I was able to secure the money to supply Renew with a number of white flags," Bishop Rod explains, "But not only that, when I mentioned my plan to Justin over our morning kippers, he managed to secure an extra £2k to make sure that the flags were durable enough to last through the coming 12 months. I consider this to be proof that Evangelicals are still welcome in the Church of England, why else would we be plied with money?"

Lee Gatiss is excited to see progress being made in the battle for the Church of England, "White flags are commonly used in warfare and are an expression of the sort of peace we are keen to promote. Whilst there may be critics suggesting that even our previous inaction would be better than flying the white flag, it is important to point out that we have been active behind the scenes, and have made a number of vague responses to recent Church of Engalnd statements. Not only that, but we have responded far more strongly than J.C Ryle or any of the Reformers have done in recent years, they have been completely silent, I haven't heard a peep from them."

Bishop Rod unpacked the plan behind this, "Over the last few years we have worked very hard to make it nigh on impossible for critical voices to be heard. We have ensured that the Living Out team have been actively involved in producing and promoting the Church of England material designed to inhibit discussion and to show Evangelicals up for the hypocrites we are. I have also been inspired by bishops involved in CEEC to make statements that effectively undermine all that I stand for, whilst saying that I still stand for everything I always stood for. And I'm hoping for a few more resignations from Synod before the important debates."

William Taylor, who 'knew a few people' who could help with this project explained that he hopes that they will be able to produce some tasteful white flag badges, "that will look good on the old school tie." He was also quick to quote the Anglican Divine, John Lee Hooker, in support 'Boom boom boom boom, hey hey hey hey."

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