But Thomas was not there. He missed church that Sunday! The other disciples told him what had happened. They gave their first hand testimony: "We have seen the Lord!" But Thomas was not easily persuaded. He wanted proof. "Unless I see with my own eyes the nail marks in his hand and put my own finger where the nails were, and put my own hand into his side, I will not believe it." He wanted verifiable proof that Jesus had risen from the dead. But the resurrection is a different order of truth.

Faith is "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1) Faith is a statement of trust in what we do not know for sure. Faith says that even though I do not know something with certainty, I believe it to be true. The Christian has faith even though he is not sure, while the sceptic refuses to believe because he is not sure. Both agree in being unsure. Believers are willing to risk being wrong for the sake of a greater good. The purpose of faith is to discover truths that are of the highest importance to us yet are unavailable to us through purely natural means. The philosopher Wittgenstein wrote that "even if all possible scientific questions are answered, the problems of life have still not been touched at all." The most important questions of life - Why am I am? What should I love? What should I live for? Where am I going? - cannot be answered scientifically. The highest truths are accessible through faith rather than reason. Faith is available to everyone. Reason is the prerogative of the more educated. God wants to have people others than PhDs in heaven. Reason is aristocratic, but faith is democratic. Faith does not require verifiable proof but trustworthy sources.

Why did St. Thomas doubt? Why do many people find it difficult to believe the testimony of others, the witness of history, the record of his post-resurrection appearances, the claims of Christ to be God in the flesh, the Lord of all, the conqueror of death and Hades, the authority of Holy Scripture? What causes some people to be congenital doubters?

Doubt and despair can be the result of a basic pessimism about the human condition. Modern atheistic philosophy, that denies any divine purpose, and defines life in terms of a biological determinism, breeds cynicism. Life that is lived on the surface, that seeks to escape boredom and emptiness through material acquisition and pleasure, is prone to perennial doubt. Doubt cannot be always kept at bay by distraction from anxiety.

Perhaps Thomas was plagued with troubling questions that he couldn't ignore. Doubts are often rooted deep in the personality. Did Thomas suffer from emotional mood swings: a manic period when faith was strong, and a depressive period when faith was absent? When we feel good, and life is going well, faith is easy. But when we pass through periods of discouragement, doubts resurface. It is important to distinguish mood swings from genuine doubt.

Was Thomas at a turning point in his development and personal history? Different seasons of our lives affect our faith and our doubts. Changes in life lead to vulnerability which leaves us open to doubt. Transitions, a sense of danger, insecurity, loneliness, which Thomas must have been experiencing, can cause doubt and fear. As we age we ask, "Is there nothing more?"

Did the death of Jesus trigger some emotional connection in Thomas's life? The loss of Jesus may have led him to contemplate other losses in his life, which he interpreted as abandonment by significant people, and a consequent feeling of anger, or lack of value. Some doubts can be traced to painful chapters in our emotional history. Deaths of parents, siblings, or close friends in tragic circumstances, may have left unfinished business. The fact that Jesus had appeared to the other disciples and not him may have upset him. Was Jesus avoiding him? Was he not important? Why was he being put on the spot and expected to believe when the others had it easy? It could have looked to him as favoritism.

Pressure points and crisis events can shape our doubts. Job losses, illness, bereavements, tragedy of one kind or another, may push us to doubt. Loss of children or other people we love, often cause us to doubt that there is a God of love. Perhaps this is what led to Thomas's doubting. He had undergone the stunning shock and stress of Jesus' arrest, trial, torture and execution. This was a major life crisis for Thomas. All his hopes and dreams had crashed and burned.

When you consider your doubts, look for its roots in your basic temperament, or your particular stage in life, or to a negative experience either long past or recent. Doubt may have more to do with your personality or your personal history than it does with the facts, with the issue of truth, or the conflict between faith and reason.

A week later, the next Sunday, the first day of the week, the Lord's day, when the disciples were gathered together again (the second Sunday in the Christian era), Jesus came and stood among them, as he does whenever his church gathers. He said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe." When Thomas saw Jesus he acknowledged him with words of personal faith, "My Lord and my God."

Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." (John 20:24-29)

Jesus says to every one of us, "Stop doubting and believe." That means making a choice. Will I consciously believe, or will I choose to continue to doubt? Doubt is a decision, just as much as faith. Feelings of uncertainty or doubt can prevent us from making the decision to believe in Jesus and to follow him. Sometimes we have to act on our choices before the feelings will follow.

Peter Kreeft composed this prayer for the Doubting Thomas's of this world:

"God, I don't know whether you even exist. I'm a sceptic. I doubt. I think that you may be only a myth. But I'm not certain (at least when I'm completely honest with myself). So if you do exist, and if you really did promise to reward all seekers, you must be hearing me now. So I hereby declare myself a seeker, a seeker of the truth, whatever and wherever it is. I want to know the truth and live the truth. If you are the truth, please help me."

That help may come as spectacularly as it did to Thomas.

END