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Episcopal Presiding Bishop Michael Curry Searches for Elusive Episcopal Racists

Episcopal Presiding Bishop Michael Curry Searches for Elusive Episcopal Racists

A Satirical Essay

By David W. Virtue, DD
October 13, 2018

What exactly are you doing looking under the bed, dear?

I'm looking for racists, my beloved. You know I've been telling Episcopalians for years that the church is full of racists. I preach about it as part of my Jesus Movement revival campaigns to jump start the church in the 21st century and if I'm not successful, we will be out of business in a decade or so. We have got to get the Church back on track or we are lost.

So, you think talk about racism will fill churches?

It will get people thinking and that is the important thing to do.

Well, how's that working for you?

Not good I'm afraid.

If I recall, the last public racist was John Shelby Spong, in 1998, in Canterbury at the gathering of Primates. He made racist comments about African bishops and was forced to apologize by then PB Frank Griswold. I haven't heard of anyone since making public racist statements. You don't think you might be beating a dead horse, do you? Most Episcopalians are now in their middle sixties and probably see blacks only on TV!

Ever since my celebrity sermon for the Royals, things have not gone as planned.

By now we should have had 10,000 new Episcopalians, but it has not happened and I'm worried because churches continue to close, dioceses are in decline and we have more funerals than any other statistic.

So, what do you plan on doing about it?

Well, for starters, I am going back under the bed and continue my search for racists, which I'm sure I'll find if I keep looking hard enough.

Well, dear, when you come up for air, your black pajamas will be on top of the white sheets. Don't forget to put them on.


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