jQuery Slider

You are here

Archbishop Foley Beach Shamelessly Preaches Gospel to Anybody Who Wants to Hear Truth

Archbishop Foley Beach Shamelessly Preaches Gospel to Anybody Who Wants to Hear Truth

A Satirical Essay

By David W. Virtue DD
www.virtueonline.org
August 14, 2015

ACNA Archbishop Foley Beach along with his bishops and clergy are shamelessly making new converts around the U.S. by pandering to people fed up with endless screeds about the latest social justice issue, Episcopal Church critics of the archbishop contend.

According to these Church critics, Beach is cynically targeting sinners to build support for his churches.

"People come to Archbishop Beach expecting to hear the truth, and he serves it up to them in unalloyed doses," bemoaned Bishop Clay Matthews, the Presiding Bishop's point person at national headquarters in NYC. "It's a very calculated strategy which seems to be working and which we heartily deplore," added the PB's consigliere for bad boy bishops.

But while Beach relentlessly tells the truth about sin and salvation and God's love for absolutely everybody willing to accept it and to change their lives, only those living in southern states are receptive to his brand of fundamentalism; it won't play in states like California, New York, or New Hampshire that all have openly gay and lesbian priests and bishops, say his critics. Truth has been historically less important in these states according to Los Angeles Episcopal Bishop Jon Bruno who faces ecclesiastical indictment for being a liar and a bully.

"At some point in his gospel-driven campaign, Americans are going to get truth fatigue," former New Hampshire gay bishop Gene Robinson told VOL. "We believe that Frank Griswold's pluriform truths' talk will win the day and things will go back to normal and decline will continue in The Episcopal Church.

"Right now, the novelty of an archbishop or even a bishop who doesn't constantly spew the latest social justice issue is grabbing headlines. But after months of Archbishop Beach telling the truth, Americans are going to start wondering, Is that all he's got?"

Lesbian Bishop Mary Glasspool is just one of many Episcopal bishops who is eagerly waiting for the Beach phenomenon to come down to Earth. "He is so heavenly minded he is no earthly use and we in TEC have a plethora of real everyday issues affecting peoples' lives liking saving Arctic bears and apologizing for Hiroshima and Nagasaki, that that will ultimately capture the public imagination," wrote Presiding Bishop Jefferts Schori in a press release from her Penthouse at 815 2nd Avenue in New York.

"Telling the truth may be working for Foley Beach, but it shows a serious lack of respect for the long history of American Liberal Protestant values and people watching their churches slowly go down the drain," Jefferts Schori opined.

END

Subscribe
Get a bi-weekly summary of Anglican news from around the world.
comments powered by Disqus
Trinity School for Ministry
Go To Top